Molars

Lost her first baby molar tonight. It surprised her. She said it kind of scared her because it's been so long since she lost one. 

Empowered

We have talked about opting out of testing since you were little. You probably don't remember when it began. We talked about it in abstract terms - the Bartleby Project - and the changes to testing since Chrys and I were kids. 

When you hit 3rd grade, we began being more pointed about it. You were a bit nervous so we talked about how it wasn't about you, it was to evaluate the teachers and make sure that kids weren't falling too far behind. We discussed opting out of you were too nervous. You didn't. 

In 4th grade, we discussed it again. You had scored really well in 3rd so you were confident and decided to take them. The politics were changing a bit and we discussed that. You still thought it was the best thing to do. 

This year, we discussed it yet again. We talked about how ugly the politics behind it were getting. We talked about how we didn't know the right answer. We talked about how there was benefit to these tests because you are so much more confident about testing, in general. We talked about how you will see these kids of tests before college. We talked about how the teachers were slated to be impacted by these tests, how ugly the politics have gotten. You said you liked taking them. They are fun (such your mother's child - I loved them as a kid.) 

Then, as you prepared to get on the bus the morning of, you said you weren't sure any more. I told you, as always, that you were not obligated to take them. That you could change your mind up until you wrote the first answer. However, once you start, you must finish. I sent a quick email to the teacher hat you were undecided. He wrote back later that you had opted out. 

I had a flurry of emotions. I hoped you opted out for the right reasons, but I was worried about peer pressure. I wanted this to be your choice. 

You said you heard me saying that I wasn't sure I wanted you to take them. That's really about it. I wasn't sure. If you enjoy them, there is a lot tied to them. You score well and that helps the district. However, the climate around these tests has changed. There's more at stake, not necessarily for you, but for the teachers and the district. You were, notably, confident in your decision. 

You say you will opt out this week and not next week. That lets you take a stand and still lets you have fun. I think it's an amazing compromise. So much of what I see has become black and white and I marvel, sometimes, at the reminder of the shades of gray. This is a good solution. I applaud you for your actions. I am proud, every day, to bear witness as you come into your personhood. 

On body image and clothes not fitting

Today, she came to tell me that her shorts are all giving her wedgies. There was no shame. No mention of her body not being right. Nothing. It was all that the clothes are just too small because she's growing. 

I'm ready to cry because the conversation when I was that age was already shame riddled. 

Whew. 

The clue

Apparently I gave you a clue about the existence of Santa last year. I told you that we could take something back to Target if you didn't like it. You said this clue led to a question that led to a big conclusion. 

Tonight, we discussed and I had some arguments about how that wasn't a clue that you found acceptable. Nevertheless, the jig may be up after 10 years. I just hope you don't spoil it for your brothers. 

Specifics

Conversation with daddy about how lungs get oxygen. He decides to compare them to food on a table. 

Chrys: "You breathe in oxygen and other stuff."

RC: "and your lungs sort it out and put the other stuff back?"

Chrys: "No. Imagine you put 50 hot dogs and 20 cookies on the table. You don't want any hot dogs. How many hot dogs do you have to pick up?"

RC: "50 because you didn't eat any."

Me: "No no no. Not at the end. While you're eating. How many hot dogs do you have to move or pick up to get your cookies."

RC: "Oohhhhhhhhh. Zero"

Literal. For $1000 please.